So when do you know....

"No, God damn it! It's always about you, you and only you Dev....." , Rhea's voice thundered as she counter attacked Dev's accusations of being selfish to further her career.
This is a water shed moment in Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna which brings into light the very essence of Dev and Rhea's relationship-marital discord. College sweet hearts culminate their love into marriage and what follows is a marriage gone awry. Being not in a position to reflect upon the nature of marital relationships, let me say this - people do drift apart. Sure, you might be best friends with that person and can't imagine a day without hearing his/her voice, but there would be a day when you would speak to him/her and ponder to yourself, "What did I see in that person?". You feel lost,numb and philosophical to some extent, as you discover one more aspect of adult life, that nothing is permanent or eternal. We mortal humans have delicate equations with people, and familiarity acts like an illusion which leads us to believe that a particular friendship or relationship is for keeps. To err is human and very rightly so. Fragile egos, changing sensibilities, time , distance, responsibilities, status, success, money or the most basic -love, the presence or absence of any of these factors or more, makes us judgmental about the other person. We are unable to fathom the reason behind such change in our perceptions and vaguely say, "Something has changed..."

So what is it that has changed? "Surely not me!", we comfort ourselves but then it takes two to tango! Our lives are dynamic, fast and unpredictable. Experiences mould people, leading them to accept or reject certain philosophies, thoughts and approaches to life which they believe would help them in living a more stable and fulfilling life without any unpleasant incidents or surprises, after all, we like happiness, don't we? How does it affect friendship, you might ask ? Don't friends make us happy? Don't we love to spend time with them? Yes, we do but friendship is often formed when two people are in the same situation and more often than not, find themselves agreeing with the other person's viewpoint. And what makes them agree with that person? It's their intelligence and sensibilities about whatever life they have lived so far. In other words, they connect with each other. Kids love to be friends with someone having a football or Barbie doll or big crayons or anything that they desire and don't possess , teenagers would love to be a part of a cool group, because they feel attracted and connected to the coolness quotient of that group, adults feel at ease with someone at par with their status, education and job levels. But in this process of associating with people based upon our needs, do we actually make life long friends or it's just a periodic illusionary equation, which would change as we continuously discover and evaluate ourselves? Well, the answer is both yes and no.

Yes,because some friends are meant to stay, and deep down your heart , your intuition knows this far too well. No matter how far the distance is between the two of you, and for how long the the two of you haven't talked, come a fleeting thought or sweet memory, you wouldn't think twice before punching that friend's number. Sometimes, the comfort level magically stays there, which ensures that there are no awkward silences after the initial pleasantries and both the friends rather enjoy this silence. One never loses that connection with that person, simply because you know that person' s importance in your life and the fact that whatever happens , he/she would always be there for you.

As for No, Geet(Kareena) sums up best while talking about Manjit, her childhood sweetheart in Jab We Met, "Phir hum bade ho gaye..."(Then we just grew up...")

Silence vs Quietness

Though I don't dread it much, but very so often, it just descends on me. The world slows down to a cynical grey vicious circle, where the more I think, the more depressing it becomes and the more dismayed it looks, the more it causes me to ponder. It's the quietness of my mind, which acts like an experienced, Mr. seen -it-all teacher to my impish, childish and ebullient joys of life. This spontaneous maturity may not be like dark overcast skies but yet, it does bring a chilling reality face-off to the various aspects of life including relationships, career decisions, old age and the omnipresent-death. They are evaluated, criticized and the net worth is determined on the basis of a scale of 20 years from now. Predictably, the outcome is shaky, dark more often than bright and unpredictable. This quietness harangues and haunts you, disturbs the well settled, real or artificial comfortable routine which the mind itself follows so obediently. You might assume you have conquered it, your worldly voice may have controlled your mind for some time but the truth is, it can dawn on you anytime. A sight of a beggar, an old movie poster, the smell of that snack, that road and colony, the colour of that car, you name it and there it will be- the trigger of your conscience, which raises it's voice at the most inopportune of moments causing your smile to fade, intelligence to lower itself and all the acquired worldly wisdom to fall short in front of that one incident which makes you feel vulnerable, convicted and helpless as it's your natural inherent sensibility, accusing you of a certain wrong doing. This is the quietness of your mind.
Silence is rather forced. Your mind might be running in hundreds of directions and yet, you may be forced to keep your mouth shut. One observes a two minute silence for a deceased soul, while waiting in anticipation, in shock or awe , and that ubiquitous thundering order from the teacher, "Silence !". Ever wondered what silence does to you? For one, it makes you uncomfortable. Since, you can't speak, you must mentally sort out the thoughts. And because, you are not allowed to share them, you must handle them by yourself and this is where the problem lies. We, as humans, have become so used to therapies that even one single moment of painful memories becomes an arduous task. We would rather shop, gorge on snacks, talk on the phone, get beauty treatments, watch TV than tackle the very issues which force our mind to go in a state of mild hypnosis whenever silence is observed.
Even our faces tell a different story altogether, while encountering such situations. Quietness makes the face serene and go blank. It's a lingering numbness.Silence is like a shock treatment wherein, a chatterbox is made to keep shut. The face looks confused, in anticipation of something, uncomfortable with this sudden lack of activity and desperate to become animated again.

Hence, silence and quietness may look similar from exterior, but deep down, it's your mind which battles with unforeseen conditions.